Stupid fable

Following on previous rant, because I’m in a mood tonight. Probably the full moon.

Let’s try a fable.

What if plumbers worked like politicians? I’d call Gold Seal Plumbers to unclog my drain. Gold Seal would arrive and look at the clog. He’d tell me that I need to contribute to his Campaign Fund so Gold Seal can have 60 plumbers in town instead of 59 plumbers. Ace Plumbers has 41 plumbers, and thus Ace is capable of blocking anything Gold Seal wants to do. Ace has never PHYSICALLY blocked Gold Seal, but the number 41 means Ace could declare a blockage any time it wants. If I will contribute to Gold Seal’s campaign fund, it’s conceivable that Gold Seal could train one more plumber and persuade one of Ace’s 41 to leave town. As soon as Gold Seal has 60 plumbers, they will start fixing pipes and unclogging drains.

I ask him why the number 41 prevents him from unclogging my drain. Is it a city ordinance or a contract provision? No, it’s not a law or a contract. Some time in the past, the company with 41 plumbers stood up and made speeches all night in Buster’s Bar, so because they made speeches all night the company with 59 plumbers couldn’t unclog any drains. Buster’s Bar closed in 1970, and nobody actually makes speeches now, but Ace could still theoretically threaten to pretend to make speeches in Buster’s Bar, so Gold Seal can’t do any work at all unless it has 60 plumbers. Okay, this makes as much sense as anything else in the plumbing world, so I agree to contribute.

I contribute to the Gold Seal campaign fund and wait 4 years. Now they have 60 plumbers and Ace has 40, so Ace can’t mobilize the theoretical speech thing which never really happens in real life. I call Gold Seal again, and this time he says that the wrong official is Speaker of the Plumber’s Union. Now I need to contribute to the Gold Seal campaign fund for another 4 years to help them pick the right Speaker for their union. As long as the wrong guy is Speaker, Gold Seal can’t do any work.