Gap

I wanted to reread Duane Jones’s wonderful little book. I thought it was in the top shelf of my ‘actively used’ bookcase, but it’s not there. Started looking through other areas. Finally looked through a little stack of magazines in a basket next to the dining table. When a magazine or catalog comes in, it goes on the stack, and then it leaves the stack when I use the magazine or newspaper for a ‘placemat’ under the eating area or a paper towel in the kitchen. The stack is only about 6 inches high, and the top two inches are rotated constantly.

Below the top layer is a sudden gap in years. The latest magazine is 2019, most are from 2018. At the bottom was a mysterious package from Ebay that seemed to hold a magazine. It was dated 2012! Opened it and found a large piece of folded cloth. I vaguely remember buying it with the intention of making curtains, but never got down to it.

The gap is meaningful, and echoed in the rest of my junk, both physical things and graphic stuff on the computer.

Before 2020 I was having fun in several ways. Listening to the radio, reading books and magazines, doing electronic experiments. When the holocaust struck, EVERYTHING WAS ON HOLD FOR THE DURATION. Radio was hellish, with constant wartime screeches from CDC. Turned it off and never turned it back on. Magazines were the same. Other play activities used up energy that I needed for RAW SURVIVAL.

Since the holocaust reached an inconclusive ceasefire in April 2022, I gradually picked up some of the activities, but the previous momentum is lost and unrecoverable.

NEVER FORGIVE.

WW2 had the same effect, but it was justified. All other wars were totally unnecessary and evil, and 2020 was the most evil of all because it didn’t even pretend to be “defending” “against” “a” “fake” “foreign” “attack”. It just tortured and killed our own people and made Bezos and Fink richer.

= = = = =

Later in better light, the Jones book was in the active bookshelf after all. I was skipping over it because it was black and I remembered it as green. The search wasn’t entirely wasted; it turned into cleaning up the room and tossing some of those unused toys.